Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
time to smoke my breakfast
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
