even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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