So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
