Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
