Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
