I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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