the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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