Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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