I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize