Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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