Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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