I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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