am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
