so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
