he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
