You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
