is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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