Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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