god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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