Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
