she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
