Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
