The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
