in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
