Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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