Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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