Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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