party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
