cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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