We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pants are for mortals
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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