Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My life is pants optional.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
