I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
