so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
