Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
