Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
