don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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