its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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