True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
