Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
