like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
