And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Barsexuality is the new black.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it glows. i had to have it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
