Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
