A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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