since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
