just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
