can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
