Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
