why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
