i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
