my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
