Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
