McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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