Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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